Diary

This is a part from one of my diary entries-- I edited out some.



Dear Diary,
Recently, everything has been hard for me. I've had to chose between friends, and best friends. Best friends, and more than that.

But that made things worse. Everything is harder, and I'm alone more often. Everyday, I sit here, alone in my room, looking at more fortunate kids through my window. The kids who get to see their friends everyday. I sit there, wishing that someday I was like that. Sometimes those kids, they don't even WANT to see their friends. I don't think it will ever be like that for me. Everyday, I look for my friends. When I see them, yes, I'm happy, but they'll probably have to leave soon.

I'm even happy for the communication I get with Danny-- Just blog posts. Because it means he's there. Alive. Not my imagination. It's proof that I was happy to see something made by him-- every post he puts on his blog, makes me feel closer to him. Almost as if he was right next to me.

But I have to distract myself from the sadness that is my life. Photography is something. Diaries.  This blog, is a distraction.

And what's the stupidest thing? I probably COULD someday meet Danny, in real life. If I wasn't shy.

shy people are definitely not what makes the world go round--- Outgoing people are THAT source.

Being shy makes things even shittier for me-- it feels like I'll never have someone by my side who understands me. Because he is the only one who understands me. He IS like my soulmate.
Almost like, if I had him, everything would be perfect. Maybe I wouldn't be as shy.

But since I am shy, I'll never meet him. Because I could ask one of my parents to see him. Sure, it would only be a 49% chance-- but hey, I would have a chance.

I'd love to ask them-- but I haven't asked them something that serious in a long time.

Which is why I'm not complete.


I haven't heard his voice. I haven't seen his face. I haven't met him.


I'm still incomplete.


♥