Yawn...

Wow... I'm tired...

I barely got any sleep last night. I was cold, I was sad, and I was thinking.

Everyday, I read Danny's newest post....
Over.
and Over.
And Over.
And Over and over again till he posts again. Because they're something close to him, something he wrote.

And then, when he posts again, I read that one.
Over. And Over. And Over and over again, and so on, until he posts, and then I do the same.

It's clinging on to something that I don't really have. Clinging on to thin air, where something used to be there.

I guess I can remember what missing space, that Danny only has filled up a quarter up of.


When I was about 4, or 5, I moved to the house I'm living in now.
I've lived here for quite a while.

In the house to the left of mine, there was a house. Inside that house was a family, with a 12 year old girl,  a 8 or 9 or 10 (or something) year old boy, and older teenage boy, and then.... There was Mely.

Mely was only 1 or 2 years older than me, and in the next grade.

She became my best friend.
We laughed, we ran around in her back yard, my back yard, whichever we felt like.

Sure, her 12 year old sister, Amanda, was pretty much a child molester/ rapist and... Yeah, I'd know, because I was small and you don't need to hear that story.

Anyway. Mely was absolutely my first best friend. She lived next door, how could she not be?

My older brother hung out with one of the boys, but I didn't pay attention.

Mely and I were like peanut butter and jelly. Don't laugh, because it's true, and if you laugh at something this wonderful yet sad I will punch your damn face in.

We even kissed eachother's cheeks. It seems like a silly thing, but at least its something I remember of her.

All the memories I had with her were great. Sure, some we're embarrassing, but at least I still remember her, nevertheless.

People laughed at us-- 2 young girls kissing cheeks-- But we were closer than anything.

As we got older, I was eventually in 3, or 2 grade. She told me she would be moving away. She was in 3, or 4th grade.

I was very sad. She gave me her new address and phone number, but I eventually lost those.

I've only seen her a few times since. I cry all the time about her, but eventually I fall asleep or something. But every day, I think about her. I even cry when I just think of her name.

I guess Danny really only fills up half of that space---

The other half would have to be filled by a girl. A girl, I could talk to-- a girl.. Mely.

She knows where I live, but I've no trace of her..

Except for something, or one of the things she gave me.

Yeah, she gave me memories, and probably a shirt or something...but she also gave me a small teddy bear.

I still have the teddy bear. Both of us, Mely and I, loved him a lot. I carried him everywhere, and now he's covered in dirt, still sitting on my shelf.

I think I'll take a picture, and take him down.


His name was, Walnut, or Peanut, or some kind of nut. My dog has stolen many of my stuffed animals, but I will never let him have this one. Ever. The little teddy bear has a rose embroidered on his chest, and a red scarf around his neck. A red little embroidered nose and mouth, and black eyes.

But he smells like Mely, and its like he's part of Mely.

Part of Mely that will always fill up part of her space.


Although he's old and dirty, the part of Mely that she left in him... Well, it makes him beautiful.